I can't seem...to find myself again, my walls are closing in... 

I can't seem...to find myself again, my walls are closing in...

***

I have highs and lows...and right now i'm at a low...one that I can't seem to pull myself out of...i hate it, yet in the same moment...I love it. All in one emotion I've gone completely numb...yet, I'm also feeling it all ten fold. All at once...once and for all...It's like I can just let go...let go of it all open my eyes wide and scream...scream...scream until my throat bleeds...because right now...that's all I want to feel.

Graffiti decorations
Under a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)


ever have one of those days...where you see everything in black and white? You get rid of the color...the crimson colored truth...

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

I don't know where my heart has gone...it hurts so much that I think it doesn't exist anymore. Not knowing what I'm trying to say...not knowing what I want to feel...need to feel. Need to be by myself...yet scared of what I'll do...think.

I'd fuck you to fuck you over
I'd fuck you until I find someone better
Then fuck you in secret
I'd fuck you because I can't remember if I'd already fucked you before
I'd fuck you out of boredom
I'd fuck you because I can't feel anything anyways
I'd fuck you to make the pain go away

all these thoughts screaming in my head...I cover my ears...but it doesn't go away...doesn't stop swimming in my ears...doesn't stop...never stops...

Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving it, too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving it, too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do
Hate you the way I do

hate...the one emotion I can't feel...and have no intention of trying to find. I look into my eyes...and don't know what I see...yet, at the same time...I can see it all...I don't want to understand myself anymore...but...did I ever?

(Lying my way from you)
No no turning back now
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)
No no turning back now
(Let me take back my life,I?d rather be all alone)
No turning back now
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)
No no turning back now
(The very worst part of you is me)

don't know...don't know...don't want to care...don't want to feel...don't want to know...don't want to be aware...don't want to need you...no not anymore...

Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes I need you to stay away from me
Sometimes I'm in disbelief, I didn't know
Somehow I need you to go

where has my heart gone?...and when did it leave? this empty...dead feeling inside of me...dull...treacherous.

Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
Just take myself back and
Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
Just take myself back and
Don't stay

wish I wasn't so strong...wish I could just fall apart...fall back...fall into myself...fall fall...with nothing and noone to be at the bottom to catch me...

Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well
Sometimes I just feel like strangling you myself
Sometimes I'm in disbelief, I didn't know
Somehow I need to be alone

wish I wasn't so weak...wish I wasn't here...wish I were more alive...wish I could cry...wish I could scream...wish I could sink into my own melancholy sadness...

hour upon hour...day upon day...and here I go again...

I don?t need you anymore, don?t want to be ignored
I don?t need one more day, of you wasting me away
I don?t need you anymore, I don?t want to be ignored
I don?t need one more day, of you wasting me away
With no apologies

and yet...at the same time...it feels so good...so very good...like I've stopped drowning...stopped dying slowly...because right now...I already feel dead...yet....I also feel alive...so very alive.

Insomniac

"Some people swallow the universe like a pill; they travel on through the world, like smiling images pushed from behind"

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fall--think of it, ALWAYS."

"It is only by expressing all that is inside that purer and purer streams come."

" Forgiveness is primarily for our own sake, so that we no longer carry the burden of resentment. But to forgive does not mean we will allow injustice again"

......


pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything.
pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.

it's the way that he makes you feel.
it's the way that he kisses you.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love.

she's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
the killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.

it's the way that he makes you feel.
it's the way that he kisses you.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love. [2x]

pretty girl... pretty girl...

pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything.
pretty soon she'll figure out: you can never get him out of your head.

it's the way that he makes you cry.
it's the way that he's in your mind.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love.
it's the way that he makes you feel.
it's the way that he kisses you.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love...