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***
As I sit high upon my throne,
I watch the world, through eyes alone
I think I'll stay here for a while
Somber, content, behind a quiet smile
I watch as lives go forth
Words no long reach my ears
Before they fade and morph
Storms rage, as the sun takes a dive
Dark holds the dead
And finds those alive
I think I'll blow bubbles at the moon..
Singing softly,
As innocents reach their doom
Cut myself upon my halo
And let the tears rain..
rain below
***I'm just sitting here with Sammie; being verbally harrassed by the beautiful Spaz. Lalalalalalalalalalalala......kelly.....kelly....kelly....kelly....chocolate...choc--i mean..kelly...kelly...........I'm bored!!!!!! no one ever comments on these things anyways. oh well.
*** One of my favorite songs in the entire world is "I don't wanna miss a thing". When I read the lyrics it mirrors my feelings perfectly. Here's the lyrics:
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Dont wanna close my eyes
Dont wanna fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And Im wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
::Chorus::
I dont wanna miss one smile
I dont wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you
Right here with you just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart right next to mine
And stay here in this moment for all the rest of time
*** I love Kelly so much, so so so so so so so so so so much. He means so much to me...Alright, well I'm going to get off of here and let my crazy brother on.
*** My turn to bitch, about people, this world, and this "family" of mine. Damn, my dad makes me so mad sometimes. It seems I'm the only one who cares--it's not as though my step mom and her dumbass daughter ever help any.
***People are always calling me strong...If this is true, then why do I get hurt so easily?...Sometimes my heart just refuses to stop bleeding...I wish there was one person who knew how to calm me...who knew enough NOT to hurt me...
***It's good that I'm going to Amanda's tonite, I need to get away from this house--it feels like I'm suffocating--I hate when I feel I'm going insane..
***My dad and I had a nice talk the other day, mostly about my sister and my mom. He actually thought to ask how *I've* been handling everything. Finally someone reailzes that this past year might have been hard on me. I think he was trying to warn me...trying to save me, from ending up like my sister. He said that depression and anxiety run in our family. *oh yay* That means I'll probably be in a padded room surrounded by white clad doctors by the time I'm 20. I think highblood pressure also runs in our genes, that explains my daily headaches (which I've always been 'blessed' with). *joy, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, migranes, AND isomnia--good for me* He told me that if I ever felt as though I were 'losing it' or depressed, to tell him. He said "they have pills for that". I almost laughed. If only he knew that I SHOULD have been on pills all of last year. One thing's for sure, if I ever were to be hospitalized, there's no way in hell I'd go on drugs.
*you bleed just to know you're alive...and I don't want the world to see me, I don't think they'd understand...
*** UGH! That stupid hound won't shut up! (Flappers) Grr...I need chocolate...and now I'm craving cocoa puffs, since I read Kyle's blog. (btw: Cocoa puffs are THE shiz nit!!) I'm supposed to go over to Sam's today..I think. Ya, she wants me to help her with a lil thing at Walmart, since she's too scared. *sigh* I'm such a wonderful friend. :). Everyone should bow to me,haha..**yawn** Damn dogs...grr...aight, take care, and bye bye.
*** I'm in love...I realized it the other day...and you know what? I've missed this feeling, so much! It just seems to give life a purpose...give a meaning to all the feelings and situations...But, then once you find you're in love, you realize you have no idea of the other person's feelings...you have the fear that they won't ever feel the same...or worse, that they won't even care...
*Saying I love you is not hard. Saying I love you and meaning it is.
*Sometimes we can love completely even though we don't completely understand those we love
*A kiss is a beautiful thing designed by God for when words become unnecessary
...I Love...
God
Family
Friends
Kelly
Chocolate
Rain
Icecream
Cappuchino
Writing
Running
Techno
Music
Comedy
Laughter
Smiles
Kissing
Being kissed
Ocean
Beach
Blue
Colors
Eyes
Reading
Talking
Creating
Learning
Hiking
Camping
Splashing
Rootbeer
Chinese
Shopping
Art
Poetry
Books
Decorating
Rock
Break Dancing
Spring
Fall
Fairies
Superstitions
Weird
Unique
Doodling
Drawing
Faded jeans
Monkeys
Animals
Playgrounds
Merry-go-Rounds
Card Tricks
Magic
Stars
Nite sky
Clouds
Sand
Bubble baths
Straight A's
Hugging
Cuddling
Thinking
Dreaming
Sleeping
Snow Flakes
Marshmellows
Water Guns
'Mellow Shooters
Raspberries
Strawberries
Fruit
Traveling
Psychology
Puzzles
Quotes
Jokes
Cemetaries
Pictures
Vanilla Smells
Outdoors
Candles
Pillow
Fluffy house shoes
Toys
Necklaces
Fairy Tales
Comedians
Good Movies
James Bond
Star Wars
Matrix
Jackie Chan
Owen Wilson
Adam Sandler
Romance
Long Letters
Sweet Letters
Bamboo
Chimes
Art shows
Memories
Pottery
Carmel Apples
Love
...Life
***Thank GOD it's Friday!! I need a break!!! Hopefully I'll see Kelly this wkend, if not, I'll just end up pouting.:). Sam's sittin' right here with me,say hi Sam *Hi* <---freaky lil hob-never mind, not gonna say it. *cough*....ok....I'm finished, i'm bored, life's good, i'm craving chocolate...hm...
*** Right now i'm talking to Heather about Homecoming..which Amanda lost!! grrrrrrrr....oh well...there's always next year...anyways...Our 4 month is coming up (kelly and I).
Hm.......now what? i dunno.......ok, well, i gotta go get ready for school--it's almost 9:10. talk to ya later. toodles.
*** I'm just sitting here...been thinking...*sigh*...I feel so incredibly..alone, right now.
I ..guess I don't have much to say, either that, or i'm just not in the mood to spill any feelings out. So, bye for now.
***Today some friends and I were passing around notes asking specific questions. I just wanted to talk about a few that were asked...
**Amanda's question: In school shootings, do you believe that the person should be tried as an adult?
-My answer- part of me has always felt that a murderer should die the same way as their victim. But, I suppose that wouldn't work out. Eventually, innocent people would be killed in cruel ways. To answer the question, I would have to say 'yes', I think those kids should definitely be tried as adults. If they were 'adult' enough to make the decision to kill someone, then they are 'adult' enough to be tried fully.
**Sam's question: what do you dislike about people?
-my answer: Wow...there's not that many things I dislike about people..but, I'll try.. I dislike people who aren't themselves. You know, the ones who go around copying others, and essentially 'becoming' different people. I also hate cruel, hurtful, mean people/comments. I try to keep that out of my personality, but, i know of some people who seem to have cruelness etched into their being. Sometimes...people need to take a step back and realize how they are affecting others..
**My question: What do you think of suicide?
-My answer- Honestly, I have never even considered this...there have been times when I just wanted life to end, but killing myself was never an option. I'm completely against suicide, I mean, what's the point of it? I understand that life can get rough, and almost unbearable sometimes, but....by killing yourself, you'd have no more chances..none..once you pull the trigger, slice the knife, or whatever, that's it. Maybe it's just my religion..but, I believe that if a person were to commit suicide, they would simply put themself in a place far more worse than any earthly situation imaginable. Hell.
***That's all I have for now. Ugh...I really need to change the radio station..stupid..annoying rap song......grr...
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