|
***
Haha...God, some people...*rolls eyes*
Anyways, after that laugh...today was ok. Amanda and I have to work the lovely concession stand tonite--we're actually looking forward to it--we get to make pretzels, hell ya!! (well.......we get to 'warm them up'....but still)
I spose I'll write a few more "Because I can"
1.) Not care
2.) Look out for myself for once
3.) Look forward to "makin' pretzels"
4.) Express empathy
5.) Hate being treated with cruelty.
Meg, good luck in your possible new job--hope it goes great, if you get it.
Grr...I have 25 min or so to kill....dum dum dum...For some reason, I've been in a really good mood today, it's a good thing, yea,...but I don't know what it's from. Oh well, I'm sure as hell not going to take it for granted.
Alrighty then, I'm finished on here, Hasta luego (yep, 'trying' to practice me espanol).
In other words....'tah tah'
Insomniac
***
Here's the continuation of "Because I can", why?...because I can.
**oh ya, i updated my poetry blog...again**
1.) choose to share my feelings through my written words
2.) continue to tell Daniel I love him and how much he means to me...even if he never says it in return...not even "i love you too"
3.) cry because it makes me feel better
4.) enjoy this life even though it's filled with so much hate
5.) not need a 'meaning for life' because I create my own
6.) not follow the 'rules of life', because there are none
7.) stay in my room, door locked, music up, in the dark, curled in a ball, with tears flowing down my face
8.) choose to not let others see me cry
9.) choose to let otehrs see me smile
10.) not hide my love from the world--a love that does not shout itself from the mountain tops is not a love worth having
11.) be loyal and stubborn--even when it cuts me to hold on
12.) frown when I am not shown the same love that I give
13.) end this list...
...Because I Can...
Insomniac
***
I decided to stea---*ahem*.....I mean "borrow" Meg's idea...so, here goes it...
(oh ya, I updated my other blog.......ok, anyways, on to the list!)
...BECAUSE I CAN...
1) write this list
2) eat sour green skittles until my taste buds burn off
3) listen to my music at full volume
4) make an idiot of myself in Taco Bell, just to hear my friends laugh
5) go for my midnite walks by myself
6) love someone who doesn't want to be loved
7) stick safety pins into everything I own
8) laugh when my safety pins get stuck in the clothes at the store "Rave" and rip them
9) play in the rain and make Adri do my "rain dance"
10) ask for a close up of the mole on that Greek guy's nose when G.T. asked me
11) link arms with Amanda and skip through school singing "we're off to see the wizard..lalala"
12) smack Dana in the head for calling me a "monkey raper"
13) wake up with a smile on my face after having a dream of handcuffing Daniel to a bed post
14) make Meg laugh, even though I know it'll only make her rib hurt worse
15) slide down my basement stairs on a mattress
16) start water fights,
17) play in the water hose when I'm bored,
18) write depressing, morbid poetry (and like every bit of it)
19) beg Freeman to let me disect in Bio II
20) make Randall salute me
21) love with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul
22) help Adam deep fry cocoa puffs
23) be afraid of trusting
24) bend my trust fear because Daniel means the world to me
25) sit with Meg on the school swings for two hours in the middle of the nite
26) ignore my "mother" completely
27) look at beauty through a camera's lense
28) pick the most complicated routes, assignments, and people in life
29) refuse to give up on a person
30) want to go to China since my grandma will never have the chance
31) beg Meg to paint me more oriental characters,
32) want to live close to the ocean when I get older
33) enjoy my fascination with the moon
34) wear my ghetto camo pants
35) scream the lyrics to Linkin Park
36) steal custody of James' pimpin monkey
37) say "no" to visting my mother in Pheonix
38) stay a virgin and be happy about it
39) wear the monkey shirt Daniel gave me to school (even though it's ten sizes too big)
40) write 3 pg letters
41) wear candy necklaces
42) sniff every gummy bear before I eat it
43) be afraid of open mirrors
44) start fights in chatrooms
45) imagine spending the rest of my life with Daniel
46) rake up leaves just so I can jump in the pile and scatter them all over
47) choose to forgive, rather than seek revenge
48) ask Adam to lick his nipple
49) stand outside in the middle of a storm
50) be sarcastic
51) sprint out of "Romancing the Stone" when the gay guy stalks me and continuously tells me likes my belt that "zips"
52) enjoy quiz bowl, even though we never win and never come close to even understanding the questions
53) fantasize when I'm bored and horny
54) flip off guys who whistle and honk at me
55) laugh when guys ask for my number and laugh even harder at the looks on their faces when I tell them I'm taken
56) bitch about the cabinets being open
57) take stupid pics, just to waste film
58) make Randall take a pic with Sam and I to send to Daniel and Kyle
59) end this list at #59 (and not #60)
Insomniac
***
Spinning in Meg's comp. chair--singing to Three Day's Grace--watching Meg "attempt" to make a pizza...or burn it--whichever comes first.
I wish it would rain again--the best days are the dreary ones.
The moon was full last nite--beautiful--offset by the clouds and rolling fog--whish I'd had my camera.
Got to spend the day with my 4 best friends yesterday--played in the rain (haha...fun as hell)...yeah, I actually talked Adri into acting stupid. I love those times...when you can just lose yourself in the moment--lose all sense of caring how dumb you look...That's what I love about my friends, I guess...we can just be ourselves...and none of us give a damn.
crawling in my skin......
these wounds they will not heal...
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real...
Yeah--listening to Linkin Park now...damn, Warren sleeps late...and he told me last nite "sleep is for the weak"---I'm thinking about attacking him with a bowl of water.......*grins*.....
Kyle's blog's are getting happier--which is definitely a good thing. I'm glad both him and Daniel are doing great in College. I miss them like hell...but, I'm glad that they're happy.
I'm hungry!!!! "Megan, cook me a pizza!!!!!!!"....ok...maybe NOT.
when this began
I had nothing to say
and I'd get lost in the nothingness
inside of me...
I was confused...
*yawn*. Ugh, school tomorrow--these wkend went by a tinky bit fast. Oh well. I guess I'm gonna get off of here. I reallllly need to find something to eat, before I get a migraine.
Tah tah..................tah.
Insomniac
*love you all*
***
Yeah...that song just *popped* into my head...
Just got off the phone with M-dog. Gonna go with her Sat. to see "Without a Paddle"---that movie looks so frickin awesome---A-dog will prob. go too (she asked to tag along). Now we just have to find a place to stay at Sat nite.........we'll find someplace......maybe. Gonna spend the nite at Adri's tomorrow (she bribed me with food :)). I'm gonna attempt to help her cook (...or burn) some kind of Mexican stuff. I'm actually not as bad of a cook as I used to be (which is saying alot). I haven't burned, broken, or blown any kitchen related item in quite a while. I'm proud of meself :).
English class was kinda fun today (ya, my favorite class...pathetic...huh?). Bradford told us to get in groups and make a parody--I've written some before, but I couldn't bring them in (they're...not exactly school appropriate). I had the grand idea of making a parody of my favorite poem, Road to Eldorado (by Poe). I dunno...it just kind of...*popped* into my head. I got this image of this Leprachaun dude (from the movie "Leprachaun") bouncing up and down saying "ride, boldy ride, if you seek me pot of gold". So, yeah, I've been working on that--dumb as hell, but it's fun. Maybe I"ll post it on here once we're done. I have a feeling it'll be a masterpiece......ok........maybe NOT...but...eh, whatever.
All wk long I've had the damn "el alfabeto" song stuck in my head. Our spanish teacher taught us it to help us learn the alphabet. Kinda funny....everyone's walking down the hall singing this freaky foreign tune...
Bio II is actually not too bad. We had to get into groups and think up idea's for "the strongest bug contest". Pride and I got into a debate over whether a grasshopper or beatle would win...(the beatle's the shiz nittie---I plan on naming it Edgar...or Bobby bo.......or....ahh screw it, I dunno). Pride had the idea of tying a tire to the bug and making them pull it. I just wanted to set fire crackers underneath them and see which one survived the longest....but, Freeman said that was "cruel" *rolls eyes*.
Oh yeah...I gotta make Sam some rubber band bracelets...and I have to make myself some more. I gave one to James (not my brother) b/c he wouldn't stop begging for one--so, I'm on short supply. *yawn* damn! I gotta do the $#@$*&^ dishes!....grrrrrr.....James and Ria are coming down this wkend--hopefully I'll get to see James....since i'll be gone. I miss him--and i gotta get me fairy! (if he did it)
K, i gotta go, before Beth has a heartattack ---tah tah
Insomniac
***
Creative title, huh?
Nothing exciting today. Just got done posting a poem on my other blog (the external link on right). Now I'm just waiting to call A-dog. I'm also memorizing Spanish 'phrases' in my head, for my quiz Thursday (joy)--eh, it should be easy. Oh ya, gotta call M-dog, see if she still wants to do the movie thing on Sat ---we wanna go see "without a paddle"--looks frickin hilarious--Sam said it was pretty good (that lil ho got to go see it, grrrr).
Adri better cook us some good food on Friday, or we'll have to tie her up and beat her with a wiffle ball bat....(actually...you guys can do that, I'll just sit there and watch while I raid her fridge).
Warren, hope your first day at work went good (even though your first day was yesterday...I think).
IBM, I'm glad your'e cheering up a bit. I hate seeing you sad and depressed. You shouldn't be, you've got a bunch of friends down here in tiny-town that love ya to death. :):). See you this wkend when you drop down (unless i'm off somewhere).
I'm glad Daniel and Kyle seem to be doing good. Hope your guys' first days kicked major monkey booty.
Aighty aight
This is B to the ecky y signing off. *salutes*
Tah tah
Insomniac
***
Just submitted my spanish homework, so thought I'd click away here for a few min. Reading some Poe right now...Spent the nite at Kyle's Friday--that was pretty fun. Then stayed over at Dustin's with Meg and Warren on Sat. Rented movies. Got in water bottle fight (which *I* won, btw), cooked eggs...good times...good times. :):)...Defiled (ty for the word James) Adam's face with black eyeliner last nite...looked kinda cool actually...got picked on by Moose and Ryan...and Dana....and Adam (yes, I feel soooo loved :))
Right now I'm just looking up info on Drury. Amanda and I have been thinking about going there once we grad. Of course...we still have to make a career decision...which is what we've also been looking into. Wow, i just got an e-mail from Big K...brb...
dum..dum..dum..ya.........ok, this is really starting to bore me. Well, tah tah!!!
Insomniac
Eldorado (one of my favorite poems)
Gaily bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.
But he grew old-
This knight so bold-
And o'er his heart a shadow
Fell as he found
No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.
And, as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow-
"Shadow," said he,
"Where can it be-
This land of Eldorado?"
"Over the Mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,"
The shade replied-
"If you seek for Eldorado!"
Edgar Allan Poe
***
There are some who say they despise emotions, but I love them...they're what make me human...what make me real. They assure me that I am alive.
Art...comes in many different forms...painting, writing, photography, music...there are some who feel they hold the right to criticize a person's work. But, aret is more than a physical sense...it's expression...emotion. Telling someone that their art is wrong is like telling them that their emotions are wrong. Art, no matter what form it takes, is amazing. It reflects a person's true, inner nature...beauty. So much is poured out...heart...soul...no one has the right to judge that.
Fears. There is not one person who can honestly say that they are fearless. Being afraid is nothing to be ashamed of. I do not conceal my fears, ask and I will tell. But, there are some who let their fears, worries suffocate them. They let their nightmares overtake their life...and leak through their eyes...they become blinded and can see nothing past the blindfold which they hide behind
Compassion is something that many should take the time to learn. Caring is not a waste, nor does it make you weak.
Cruelty is a choice, and shouldn't become a way of life. Those who allow their heart to hide behind a wall of vicious remarks and become ensnared by the venomous vines of hate...only drown themselves...only push away anyone who dares to love them.
Hate is one of the strongest emotions and can be conquered only by love. Hate poisons the heart and burries you so deep that you become afraid to ever let go or respond to any new form of emotion. Hate ruins you...punctures your soul...once you're consumed by hate, love is the only resort left to save you...love is potent...the elixir of happiness...and key to one's heart.
Reality is only what we choose it to be...as is life. Noone knows the meaning of life, perhaps we are not meant to know. We make our own reason...life is only as much as we want it to be. There are no rules, we write our own.
There is not one person who does not deserve to be loved...yet, some are afraid...they seem to think they are not worthy. Don't ever push away love...you may never find it again...and never hurt the person who loves you. They don't deserve to be torn for caring...give them the compassion they deserve...even if stepping away from your comfort feels like walking a tight rope with no net to catch you...think of everything that person has done for you. Before you flood their ears with criticism...think of the way their eyes will flood with tears from your words...
There are some who are so stuck on themselves that they never take the time to check on those around them. They seem to think that their way of thinking is the only way...they lack complete respect for another person's views. There is not right or wrong...so there is no use arguing. Not everyone agrees on the same beliefs, wouldn't it be boring if they did?
What really hurts is when you give yourself fully to someone and they completely take you for granted. You listen to them...you care...you treat them with love...and yet, they treat you with harsh cruelty. I refuse to put up with that anymore...I lack the strength I once had for it. If someone can't respect me and treat me like a human being, then it's their loss. But, no matter what happens...I'll always be there for them. I don't turn my back on people. Love is the emotion I choose to drown in...and I love it...it's who I am...I am not cruel...hateful...judgemental...or vengeful...if you want me, you'll just have to put up with my love.
Insomniac
***
Confusion: the inability to think with clarity or act with intelligence or understanding; throw off.
..not knowing what the future holds...will I regret...or will I rejoice? What is the best for ME? What do I deserve? I'm so damn empathetic and caring...that I forget about my own needs. I look out for them...worry about upsetting them...I need someone to take care of me for once...show me the love I show them...I'm stubborn...I refuse to give up on a person...especially when they mean the world to me..
Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
...turn my cheek...ignoring the pain...making excuses...everything I do isn't good enough...they don't understand how low they make me feel...how deep their words cut. The invisible wounds I hide...so that I don't upset them...flinching...fearing...holding my breath...hiding my problems so I'm not a burden. Trained to fear...Listening...holding them...wishing their pain away...yet...it doesn't matter....because I feel worthless in their eyes. Can't they see how much I hurt...for them? Wishing they could understand how much I would give up just so that they could feel an ounce of happiness...I would do anything just to see them smile. Hoping they'll one day realize how many times I'd die to spare them...wanting to relieve their pain...
Knowing they'll never find another who loves them with the passion that I do...knowing that they'll never find another who refuses to give up on them...
Wishing they could try to love me...try to understand me...stop hurting me...stop playing these games...do you want me or not? I don't mean to make you that miserable...I don't mean to make you hate me...I don't mean to be such a horrible person...I don't mean to cry...
Compassion: Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.
I'm human...there's only so much I can take...only so much I can give...
...Wishing that for once...they could give you the affection you give them. Wishing they could show compassion...take a look through your eyes. Hiding the bruises on your ego...watching as your poetry gets darker and darker...dying slowly more as each day passes...seemingly unhappy being with them...but knowing the tears won't stop once they're gone...knowing you will never forget the love you feel...or the way they look into your eyes. Wishing they could just try...wanting to show them just how beautiful life can be...that it is possible to be happy...truly happy...wanting a love with no mistakes...no regrets...no fear...
Hurt: To cause mental or emotional suffering to; distress.
...I deserve to be treated with affection...respect...I deserve to be loved...
Insomniac
I can not take this anymore
saying everything you said before...
all these words they make no sense...
I found this in ignorance...
the less I hear the less you say
you'll find that out anyway
(just like before)
everything you say to me..
brings me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break
I need a little room to breath...
'cause I'm one step closer to the edge...and I'm about to break.
I gotta find the answers that are so clear
wish I could find a way to disappear...
all these thoughts they make no sense
I found this in ignorace
nothing seems to go away...
over and over again...
(just like before...)
everything you say to me..
brings me one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break
I need a little room to breath...
'cause I'm one step closer to the edge...and I'm about to break
***
*breaker breaker* this is B to the ecky y....checking in, do you copy?...*static*....Insomniac calling IBM, whatis your position? *static........* S pup do you read me? *breaker..* M Dog, what is your location? B to the eck y is in the hizzie. Over and out.
Today has been extemely exciting and eventful. James and i woke up at 0900 hours. I drug myself to the leaking facility where i emptied out used fuel, then made my way to the kitchenzzie where i had meself some colossal crunch, swimming in milk, and topped with a spoon. Then, surprise surprise, sat on the couch (aka: love seat, to be more specific)...lost horribly at games...rampaged through James' room...got on computer...listened to dumb rap music...got on computer...ate "america's #1 selling" brownies (although they tend to taste like the oh so delightful substance known as..plastic--topped with a thick coating of brown goo and nuts). And now here I am...at the computer... once more...fun, huh?
Back talked 'A in double D' last nite (can you guys figure out THAT code name?), went for a bit of a late nite walk (amazing how cold it is in the middle of summer...), A-dog and I bitched to eachother for a few hours, which actually calmed me down...alot.
I need chocolate...I need chocolate...I need choc--oooo...chocolate!
This is B to the eck y ceasing duty, Sir! *tries to salute but only smacks self in eye*
*breaker breaker*...i'm....mmm..bbbb..r.eeaking.....u.u..u.p
Over and Out
Agent Insomniac
|
Search This Site
Syndicate this blog site
Powered by BlogEasy
Free Blog Hosting
|